Necessary Evil
by Marx810
Summary: When superheroes have children they have to face the likelihood that those children will be a target. As Kick Ass and Hit Girl face a race against time, they contemplate the choices they made and the consequences they now have to live with. Rated M for language and violent content.


A kick to the gut and a knee to the head slammed it into a brick wall and the attacker was down. Hit Girl stood over him with a large grin on her face. "Rocky, Rocky, Rocky…that looks really painful."

"Fuck you…" Rocky growled back.

"Not very polite, Rock." Kick Ass chimed in, tapping his baton against the wall, and motioning to the groaning men on the ground who were supposed to be Rocky's backup.

"Yeah, fuck you too."

"I told you what would happen if I saw you doing this shit again, didn't I?" Hit Girl unsheathed one of her swords and pressed it against Rocky's lower eyelid. "Now I know you've probably heard this one before, but I'm curious if you actually have the eye of a tiger. Let's see, shall we?"

What happened next caught both heroes off guard, as Rocky started laughing. "Yeah…I've heard that one. I got one that you haven't heard yet."

"Speak fast." Hit Girl said coyly, the point of her sword adding just enough force that a trickle of blood dripped down Rocky's eyelid, not yet to penetrate his actual eyeball.

Rocky chuckled again. "You know…I always assumed there was no way you two were stupid enough to make as many enemies as you did…and have kids…that's just askin' for it, know what I'm sayin'?" Rocky's smile got wider as this got an immediate reaction from the duo. "Yeah, we know who you are. And who they are…or should I say…who they were…the men get overzealous ya know?"

This time Hit Girl chuckled. "Nice try, asshole." And with one swift and squishy movement, Rocky was going to need an eye patch…assuming he got out of this alive. And the way this situation was going that didn't look very likely.

Rocky jerked back so hard that his head slammed against the wall again. He was pretty sure he already had a concussion so that probably wasn't helping matters any. Though truth be told, he wasn't expecting to survive this night. And he was okay with that, in fact he started laughing even harder, through the pain as he choked out, "Autumn…Lucas…" Rocky opened his one working eye as wide as he could to see the heroes' faces. The look of horror mirrored on their faces made the whole plan worth it. He laughed and he laughed until Hit Girl cut off his head.

"Mindy…it's gonna be-" Kick Ass was cut off as he looked to where Mindy should have been and wasn't. His attention was drawn to a familiar horn beeping.

"KICK ASS! HURRY THE **FUCK **UP OR I'M LEAVING WITHOUT YOU!" The car's engine roared as angrily as Mindy sounded as Dave gave a passing glance to the slashed up corpses that used to be men. The same bodies that Kick Ass had merely beaten up. It always scared him when she moved and killed that fast. That was pure Batman shit, but he'd have to be freaked out later as he dashed and jumped in the car that was already starting to move without him just like Mindy had said.

Before Dave could even fasten his seatbelt, Mindy floored the accelerator and he was driven back into his seat as the car blazed forward. He was just able to clip the belt closed when the car swerved suddenly and dashed forward again. Dave also hated when Mindy drove like this. Her eyes were bulged and unblinking and she was almost entirely unresponsive. Her entire focus was on driving as fast as humanly possible but to anyone else she was driving like a mad man. Mindy only moved to jerk the steering wheel and to change gears. She required total focus.

"So this is where you say 'I told you so', right?" Mindy growled through her teeth.

Dave blinked as he turned to Mindy, whose eyes were still on the road. Something in him snapped at the accusation. "Really?! 'I told you so'…Our **kids** might be in danger right now and you think I'm feeling **self righteous**?! That's the last fucking thing on my mind right now!"

Hit Girl momentarily took her eyes off the road to look at Dave and let out a sigh, the car slowing down just slightly. "…I'm sorry…I just…I…don't…have anyone to attack right now…"

Dave sighed as well. "Yeah…I know…I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have- SHIT!" A horn honked loudly as the car suddenly swerved.

"ASSHOLE!" Hit Girl roared, happy to find a new target for her fury.

_Four Years Ago…_

_Dave was stretching his shoulders as he finally saw Mindy entering the training room and took a deep breath. "All right, I'm ready." He winced, jumping a few times to get his blood pumping. Dave __**hated**__ working on his defense. But as Mindy always said, just because he could take a beating didn't mean he needed to._

_Mindy blinked, looking caught off guard momentarily before shaking it off. "Right…defense training…um…yeah…that's not gonna happen…today…"_

"_Mindy…" Dave cocked his head to the side. "What's wrong?"_

_This time Mindy was the one who took the deep breath. "Dave…um…maybe…you should sit down."_

"_What the fuck…?" Dave's eyes narrowed. This was most definitely not normal Mindy behavior and that was scaring him much more than defense training. Mindy, talk to me."_

"_Heh heh…" Mindy laughed nervously. "Well…see…the thing is…I'm pregnant." _

_Dave chuckled. "Funny. What's actually wrong?"_

"_There's…a baby growing inside of me? Also, if you ask me if it's yours I will make sure you can't father any more."_

_This time it sunk in. "Wait…seriously? You're pregnant? You're sure?"_

_Mindy nodded. "Er…yeah. And in case you're wondering, I'm not home pregnancy test, sure. I'm took the home pregnancy test and then went to a doctor, sure."_

"_WHAT?!"_

"_I wanted to be positive before I said something…" _

"_But…wait…"_

_Mindy nodded, seeing where Dave's confusion was stemming from. "It was inevitable. The pill's 99% effective, which means I get pregnant every hundred times we fuck."_

_Dave paused for a second. "That's…not right…"_

"_Sure it is. That's math."_

"_Yeah, but…" Dave sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Nevermind. I…are you gonna have it?"_

_There was an ironically pregnant silence after the question before Mindy finally answered it. "Of course I'm having it. Do…you not want me to?"_

_Dave's spider sense was tingling. There was one correct answer to this question. "That's…not my choice. It's just…it'll be hard for you to give it up, won't it?"_

_Mindy's eyes bulged. "Dave…why are you assuming that I can't raise this baby?"_

"_Because we're super heroes, Mindy. The mission's the most important thing, right? Kids would just make that a lot harder for us."_

_The air was driven out of Dave as he was slammed into the wall. A cheap shot indeed, since Mindy knew Dave wouldn't have hit her back even if she wasn't currently carrying his child. "Stop trying to play me. I'm the one who taught you how to manipulate people, dumbass. Grow a pair of balls and tell me why you don't want me to have this baby. You think I'm going to be a bad mother or something?"_

_Dave wheezed out a cough before glaring back at his partner. "That's exactly what I think." He immediately put his hands up in defense at Mindy's reaction. "Wait a second. Hear me out. I don't mean just you. I'm talking about me as well. We just…we aren't parent material, Mindy. Think about what we do every night. The danger we put ourselves in. The fact that we could have to move at any moment. The fact that we're both batshit insane."_

"_Speak for yourself."_

"_I had as normal a dad as anyone could have." Dave started, ignoring Mindy's comment. "And I still thought it was a great idea to put on a wetsuit and go out there. No body armor, no training, no clue what the fuck I was doing. And no matter how much abuse I got, I just kept doing it."_

"_Because you're a hero numnuts! Heroes don't give up. It's one of the things that made me fall in love with you, even when you're being a fucking idiot like you are right now."_

_Dave sighed. "Yeah…I'm a hero. So are you. That doesn't make us good parents. I don't see how I could be a good father without being a hypocrite. And with you…Mindy, I love you but your dad fucked you up. And if you raise this child you're going to fuck it up too." The right cross to Dave's jaw following that comment wasn't entirely unexpected._

"_Fuck you, Dave!"_

"_You wanted me to grow a pair of balls, well here the fuck they are!" Dave shot back. "If you kick me in them then so fucking be it, but this isn't about us, it's about the fucking __**kid**__! Answer me honestly. Would you want it to be a hero like us?"_

_Mindy rolled her eyes. "Of course I would."_

"_Wrong FUCKING answer! This is exactly what I'm talking about. You really want our child to have to deal with the worst of humanity like we do?"_

"_That's how I grew up!" _

"_Exactly, Mindy. Exactly. Excuse me, but I'd like our child to actually have an actual childhood."_

"_Oh, like you did, you mean?"_

_Dave laughed. "Which is exactly why we'd make horrible fucking parents. What do we know about raising a normal kid?"_

"_What do you want me to do? Have an abortion? Give my baby away? And what happens if we do slip up or someone finds out who we are and goes after our baby? It'll have no fucking clue what's coming for it because-"_

"_Wait." Dave calmly interrupted. "What do you want? For us to train it so that it's protected if someone finds out who we are, or to train it to actually go out on the streets looking for trouble? Those are two completely different things."_

_Mindy unconsciously wrapped her arms around her belly as she thought. "I want this baby, Dave. I want it safe and the only way to be sure about that is if it knows what we know. It doesn't have to go out on the streets but…I want it safe…"_

_Dave sighed. "And you know this means that we're going to fuck it up, right? We'll have to steal its childhood away."_

"_We have different definitions of what that means, but fine. I'd rather our children be safe and 'fucked up' than in danger and normal."_

_Dave raised an eyebrow. "Children?"_

"_What? You think I want to stop at one?"_

And back to the present…

One thing that Dave had to give props to Mindy for was that as single mindedly and quickly as she was trying to get home, she still had enough in mind to go the alternate route so that they'd be going in through the back yard where it was less likely they'd be seen since they were still in costume. The car skid to a stop and both heroes jumped out the windows, dashing for the door. Hit Girl got there first as she swung the door open.

"Autumn! Lucas!"

"Mommy!" Mindy had never heard a sweeter sound than the little pitter patter of feet as the three year old little girl ran to her mother, eagerly wrapping her arms around the superhero's legs. "Awwuv these men bwoke in the house!"

"Where are they, Sweety?" Mindy asked, immediately on edge again as she knelt down to Autumn's level.

Autumn smiled, a little too widely. "They'we awl dead." Her expression suddenly got thoughtful. "Except one…"

"The leader?" Mindy asked, to which Autumn nodded eagerly. "That's Mommy's good girl."

"Hey there, Princess." Dave felt a little calmer with what he'd just heard, but he still had another question to completely put him at ease. "Where's Lucas?"

Autumn beamed again as she saw Mindy wasn't alone. "Daddy! Lewkus is downstayuws with the bodies in the cut-cut room." The small girl suddenly started to pout. "I wanted to do it but he said I wasn't stwong enuff yet."

Dave sighed. "You'll…you'll have it next time, Sweetheart. I'll help you practice with the saw, myself." He then turned to Mindy. "You got this?" When Mindy nodded, Dave made his way downstairs.

"So…" Mindy started, turning her attention back to her daughter. "Is the leader all nice and prepped for me?"

Autumn once again smiled very widely, beaming with pride. "I've been intew…intewwwig…"

"Interrogating." Mindy helped.

Autumn nodded again. "In…tew…og…a…ting… him for…this long." She put up all 10 of her fingers, then her eyes suddenly went wide. "Did you know, bawws can expwode?! It was awesome!"

Mindy chuckled. "Yes, I did know that. He still has his other one?" Autumn nodded again. "Excellent, and you made sure to turn the interrogation camera on?" Once this was confirmed, Mindy lovingly pet the little girl's head and the two of them went to the interrogation room.

Meanwhile, downstairs in the 'Cut-Cut Room', Dave walked into an insulated room in time to see the blood spatter as their oldest child was using a lever attached to a circular saw, to finish up cutting the second to last body into pieces small enough to be easily transported so that the corpses could 'disappear'.

Dave sighed again, as he forced himself to ignore the image of his four year old son cutting a corpse into pieces. He forced himself to ignore the big smile on Lucas' face as the blood sprayed, like this was a game. He instead focused on whether Lucas was wearing goggles and the correct protective clothes. He focused on whether Lucas was using the saw safely, only then did he call out over the screeching sound of the saw. "Lucas!"

Lucas stopped, immediately on edge until he recognized the figure that the voice originated from. "Hi Daddy! One more body left!"

"I see." Dave forced a smile. "You did very good, Luke. Need any help?"

Lucas smiled again as he pushed the button that slid the last body off of the cart and onto the cutting table. "I got it." A small giggle escaped his lips as he turned on the saw again.

Dave looked up as he heard the male scream from upstairs. With another sigh, he cast his attention back on his son. "Don't take too long. You have kindergarten tomorrow, remember?"

"But Daaaaad!"

"No buts. Now cut up that body so you can go to bed." Dave pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to figure out what Bizarro world he was in where that was a sentence he needed to say to his child. Then again, because of that, their children had in fact, been safe. With their life as it was, this seemed a…necessary evil. As Mindy told him whenever he had reservations, Dave didn't have to like it. All he had to do was be thankful if and when their children ever had to use their…unique skills. And as he watched Lucas sawing off a man's leg, his boy's eyes wide with glee to a squeal of giggles, and thought of the alternative, he could only sigh once more.


End file.
